PofunaIs it all my fault? Looking again at the responsibility I take on
When something goes wrong, blaming yourself may feel automatic. Personalisation describes taking all the responsibility while leaving other people and circumstances out of the explanation. Recognising your own contribution is different from assuming you caused everything.
Pofuna editorial team · Published:
General educational content prepared with AI assistance; not reviewed by a clinician. It is not a personal assessment, diagnosis or treatment recommendation. Editorial policy →
Separate influence from complete control
List what affected the outcome: your actions, other people’s decisions, timing and circumstances outside anyone’s control. The aim is not to shift blame. It is to examine responsibility using the available information. Not predicting something does not automatically mean you were responsible for preventing it.
Centre for Clinical Interventions — Unhelpful Thinking Styles (PDF) ↗
A fictional example: a changed group plan
Casey organises a gathering, but transport problems stop two friends attending. “Nobody had a good time, and it’s all my fault” comes to mind. The location, everyone’s schedules and transport were multiple factors. A balanced response could be, “Next time I can ask about travel earlier; I did not control every condition.”
Choose a repair for your actual part
If you gave incorrect information, correcting it or apologising may be appropriate. Someone else being in a bad mood is not, by itself, evidence that you did something wrong. Identify a specific action before choosing a repair. Prolonged self-blame is not a prerequisite for being responsible.
Other people remain responsible for their behaviour
If someone treats you badly, you do not automatically have to accept the blame. A thinking exercise should not excuse harmful behaviour. You can seek support from a trusted person or professional. This fictional scenario cannot decide responsibility in a complex relationship on your behalf.
Sources and further reading
These sources are in English. Pofuna prepared the explanation and fictional examples independently; the organisations do not endorse this article.