Pofuna“They must be annoyed with me.” Can we really know what someone thinks?
A brief reply can turn into a long story in your head. In CBT, mind reading means treating a guess about another person’s thoughts as if it were established information. The point of noticing this pattern is not to label yourself, but to make room for what you do not yet know.
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General educational content prepared with AI assistance; not reviewed by a clinician. It is not a personal assessment, diagnosis or treatment recommendation. Editorial policy →
What happened, and what did I add?
Imagine a friend says, “I can’t make it this week.” Your mind supplies, “They don’t want to see me.” Feeling hurt makes sense, but the words you heard and the meaning you added are different pieces of information. Write each separately before deciding what the exchange means.
Centre for Clinical Interventions — Unhelpful Thinking Styles (PDF) ↗
A fictional example: a short reply
Alex sends a colleague a draft and receives “Got it.” Alex thinks, “They hate it,” and starts rewriting everything. There has been no feedback on the work yet. A fairer response might be, “The reply is short. I don’t know what they think of the draft; I can wait for feedback.” You do not have to replace a negative guess with a positive one.
Questions that leave room for uncertainty
Was there a clear statement supporting my interpretation? What else could explain the response? What would I say to a friend in this situation? If clarification matters, one straightforward question may help. Repeatedly seeking reassurance cannot remove every uncertainty about a relationship.
A step without a definite answer
“I don’t know what they’re thinking right now” can be an honest stopping point. You can return to your day or ask for clarification when appropriate. Clear mistreatment does not need to be explained away. If relationship worries persist or limit your life, consider professional support. This example is fictional, not a user story.
Sources and further reading
These sources are in English. Pofuna prepared the explanation and fictional examples independently; the organisations do not endorse this article.